1. Question: How Can I Prevent Pearl Harbor From Happening?
Smartass Answer: You need a Delorean, a Flux-capacitor and 1.21 Gigawatts of electricity to make that happen.
2. Question: Credit Card (Stuck) In Computer?
Smartass Answer: Turn the computer upside down and shake it.
3. Question: If You Die, What Happens To Your MySpace?
Smartass Answer: It deletes itself. You see when you die a little microchip goes off in your brain and instantly deactivates any accounts you may have. They are inserted a few months after birth, everyone has them.
This was also the best answer chosen by the asker herself!
4. Question: Why Do Stupid People Breed?
Smartass Answer: They wanted company?
5. Question: If A Woman Was To Eat A Lot Of Chocolate, Would Her Breast Milk Taste Like Chocolate Milk?
Smartass Answer: Chocolate breast milk comes from black women.
This was also the best answer chosen by the asker. His comment?
wow never realised this b4, ty
6. Question: How Turn Computer Monitor Into Mirror?
Smartass Answer: Get a can of mirror spray paint, point, and spray.
7. Question: How To Get YouTube To Come Film You?
Smartass Answer: facepalm
This is actually a popular troll question, that has been posted several times on Yahoo! Answers. Meanwhile, the original question was deleted.
8. Question: Why Are Fossilized Clam Shells Found On Mt. Everest?
Smartass Answer: Obviously. Any other suggestion, such as geological uplift of the ancient seabed at points of tectonic plate subduction, would be mere hocus-pocus and superstition.
9. Question: What Is The Country Of Canada All About?
Smartass Answer: Wow, the American education system really is in crisis.
10. Question: Instead Of Simply Worshipping ‘God’, Why Not Worship Godzilla?
Smartass Answer: I choose to worship God because I prefer worshiping real things over movie characters anytime.
This question reminds of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. As founder Bobby Henderson says:
With millions, if not thousands, of devout worshippers, the Church of the FSM is widely considered a legitimate religion, even by its opponents—mostly fundamentalist Christians, who have accepted that our God has larger balls than theirs.
11. Question: How Do People Hide Large Amounts Of Food In Their Mouth?
Smartass Answer: It’s called Bulimia?
12. Question: Can I Fail A Drug Test By Having Sex The Night Before?
Smartass Answer: You will fail an IQ test.
13. Question: Why Doesn’t The Earth Fall Down?
Smartass Answer: Because it can fly.
Yes, that’s also the best answer selected by the Asker. She didn’t care much for gravity and the sun.
14. Question: Why Did Yahoo! Answers Delete My Question?
Subtitle: Would my cat like the heat from about 15 seconds in the microwave?
Smartass Answer: Try the dryer instead.
15. Question: VERY POPULAR Techno Song?? HELP!!! They Play It In Clubs!!?
Smartass Answer: Sandstorm by Darude.
I’m speechless. People actually knew the answer!
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared; he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gone as far as it could and it could go no farther.
Then the man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.
Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.
What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been.
One day all the employees of a Company reached office and they saw a
big notice on the door on which was written: 'Yesterday the person
who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away. We
invite you to join the funeral in the room that has been prepared in
the gym'.
In the beginning, they all got sad for the death of one of their
colleagues, but after a while they started getting curious to know who
was that man who hindered the growth of his colleagues and the company
itself. The excitement in the gym was such that security agents were
ordered to control the crowd within the room.
The more people reached the coffin, the more the excitement heated up.
Everyone thought: 'Who is this guy who was hindering my progress?
Well, at least he died!'.
One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when
they looked inside it they suddenly became speechless. They stood
nearby the coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched
the deepest part of their soul. There was a mirror inside the coffin:
everyone who looked inside it could see himself.
There was also a sign next to the mirror that said: 'There is only
one person who is capable to set limits to your growth: it is YOU.
You are the only person who can revolutionize your life. You are the
only person who can influence your happiness, your realization and
your success. You are the only person who can help yourself. Your
life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change,
when your parents change, when your partner changes, when your company
changes.
Your life changes when YOU change, when you go beyond your limiting
beliefs, when you realize that you are the only one responsible for
your life.
'The most important relationship you can have is the one you have
with yourself' Examine yourself, watch yourself. Don't be afraid of
difficulties, impossibilities and losses: be a winner, build yourself
and your reality. It's the way you face Life that makes the
difference.
"You are the only person on earth who can use your ability!"
''SUCCESS IS GOING FROM FAILURE TO FAILURE WITHOUT LOSS OF ENTHUSIASM.''
An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the Problem Science has
with GOD, the ALMIGHTY. He asked one of his New Christian Students to stand and . . .
Professor :
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, you Believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD Good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor : Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL ?
Student : Yes.
Professor : My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to GOD to Heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill.
But GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
(Student was silent )
Professor : You can't answer, can you ? Let's start again, Young Fella.
Is GOD Good?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Is Satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor : Where does Satan come from ?
Student : From . . . GOD . . .
Professor : That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this World?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor : So who created evil ?
(Student did not answer)
Professor : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness?
All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, who Created them ?
(Student had no answer)
Professor : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe the World around you.
Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor : Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt your GOD?
Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor : Yet you still Believe in HIM?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol,
Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith.
Professor : Yes, Faith. And that is the Problem Science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Professor : Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as Cold?
Professor : Yes.
Student : No, sir. There isn't.
(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events )
Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat,
a Little Heat or No Heat.
But we don't have anything called Cold.
We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat, but we can't go any further after that.
There is no such thing as Cold.
Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat.
We cannot Measure Cold.
Heat is Energy.
Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.
(There was Pin-Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre )
Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as Darkness?
Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir.
Darkness is the Absence of Something
You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light . . .
But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and it's called Darkness, isn't it?
In reality, Darkness isn't.
If it is, were you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?
Professor : So what is the point you are making, Young Man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Professor : Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality.
You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD.
You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure.
Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought.
It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that
Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing.
Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the Absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from a Monkey?
Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shook his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument was going )
Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and
Cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going Endeavour,
Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir?
Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?
(The Class was in Uproar )
Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor's Brain?
(The Class broke out into Laughter )
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's Brain, Felt it, touched or Smelt it? . . .
No one appears to have done so.
So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol,
Science says that You have No Brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?
(The Room was Silent. The Professor stared at the Student, his face unfathomable)
Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student : That is it sir . . . Exactly !
The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH.
That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving.
So you bought yourself a SLR camera. What now? You obviously need more lenses.
To find out which lenses to suit your specific use is not always easy. There are several abbreviations and specifications you need to find out, and things are not better by the fact that different manufacturers use completely different abbreviations for exactly the same properties.
Below I take a review of the important features you can find on a lens, and how the different manufacturers label them.
Please note that some specs may be slightly simplified to make the article shorter and more readable. For example, the EC designation marked on Canon lenses indicates that it has an autofocus (Electronic Focus), but also indicates which frame the lens uses.
Read the article by Morris Scjomin
Going to church every Sunday ............. ..
Going to Mosque every Friday ...............
Going to Temple every Saturday .......... ...
A group of frogs were travelling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. When the other frogs saw how deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead. The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died.
The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and finally made it out. When he got out, the other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?" The frog explained to them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the entire time.
This story teaches two lessons:
1. There is power of life and death in the tongue. An encouraging word to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it through the day.
2. A destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes to kill them.
Be careful of what you say. Speak life to those who cross your path. The power of words... it is sometimes hard to understand that an encouraging word can go such a long way. Anyone can speak words that tend to rob another of the spirit to continue in difficult times. Special is the individual who will take the time to encourage another.
Very Good Article on Late sitting -
|
Need time to relax?
Need time to yourself?
Want to go shopping?
Image via Wikipedia“Yesterday, I was driving, and the FM radio went off for few seconds. I thought, I should have an iPod. Then suddenly I realized that I have not used my iPod in last 6 months. And then… more things, Handy cam in last 2 years, Digital Camera in last 2 months, DVD player in last 1 month and many more. Now I can say that I bought that Handy cam just out of impulse, I have used it twice only in last 4 years.
So, whats wrong and where? When I look at myself or my friends I can see it everywhere. We are not happy with what we have but all are stressed and not happy for the things we don’t have. You have a Spark, but you want Cruze… You have a Cruze, but you want Cadillac. Just after buying a new phone, we need another one. Better laptop, bigger TV, faster car, bigger house, more money… .I mean, these examples are endless. The point is, does it actually worth? Do we ever think if we actually need those things before we want them?
After this, I was forced to think what I need and what I don’t. May be I didn’t need this Handy cam or the iPod or that DVD player. When I see my father back at home. He has a simple BPL colour TV, he doesn’t need 32″ Sony LCD wall mount. He has a cell phone worth Rs 2,500. Whenever I ask him to change the phone, he always says… “Its a phone, I need this just for calls.” And believe me; he is much happier in life than me with those limited resources and simple gadgets. The very basic reason why he is happy with so little is that he doesn’t want things in life to make it luxurious, but he wants only those things which are making his life easier. It’s a very fine line between these two, but after looking my father’s life style closely, I got the point. He needs a cell phone but not the iPhone. He needs a TV but not the 32″ plasma. He needs a car but not an expensive one.
Initially I had lot of questions.
I am earning good, still I am not happy…...why ?
I have all luxuries, still I am stressed.... ....... why ?
I had a great weekend, still I am feeling tired...... why?
I met lot of people, I thought over it again and again, I still don’t know if I got the answers, but certainly figured out few things. I realize that one thing which is keeping me stressed is the “stay connected”syndrome. I realized that, at home also I am logged in on messengers, checking mails, using social networks, and on the top of that, the windows mobile is not letting me disconnected. On the weekend itself, trying to avoid unwanted calls… and that is keeping my mind always full of stress. I realized that I am spending far lesser money than what I earn, even then I am always worried about money and more money. I realized that I am saving enough money I would ever need, whenever needed. Still I am stressed about job and salary and spends.
May be, many people will call this approach “not progressive attitude“, but I want my life back. Ultimately it’s a single life, a day gone is a day gone. I believe if I am not happy tonight, I’ll never be happy tomorrow morning. I finally realized that meeting friends, spending quality time with your loved one’s; spending time with yourself is the most important thing. If on Sunday you are alone and you don’t have anybody to talk with, then all that luxuries life, all that money is wasted. May be cutting down your requirements, re-calculating your future goal in the light of today’s happiness is a worthwhile thing to do. May be selling off your Spark and buying Cruze on EMIs is not a good idea. I believe putting your happiness ahead of money is the choice we need to make.
I think, a lot can be said and done but what we need the most is re-evaluation of the value of happiness and time we are giving to our life and people associate with it.”
By an Unknown Author
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Once a Smoker was smoking at Bangalore Airport.........
A gentleman came & asked him." How much do you smoke a day" ?
Smoker : Why are you asking such a question?
Gentleman replied : If you had collected that money instead of smoking,the plane which is in front of you, would have been yours.
Smoker asked that gentleman : Do you smoke?
Gentleman:-No.
Smoker asked:- Does that plane belong to you?
Gentleman replied:- No.
Smoker:-Thanks for your kind advice, but that plane is mine
[Smoker's Name - Vijay Mallya " Kingfisher Airline's Owner"]
Moral of the Story: Unnecessary advice is injurious to health
