1. Question: How Can I Prevent Pearl Harbor From Happening?

Smartass Answer: You need a Delorean, a Flux-capacitor and 1.21 Gigawatts of electricity to make that happen.

2. Question: Credit Card (Stuck) In Computer?

Smartass Answer: Turn the computer upside down and shake it.

3. Question: If You Die, What Happens To Your MySpace?

Smartass Answer: It deletes itself. You see when you die a little microchip goes off in your brain and instantly deactivates any accounts you may have. They are inserted a few months after birth, everyone has them.

This was also the best answer chosen by the asker herself!

4. Question: Why Do Stupid People Breed?

Smartass Answer: They wanted company?

5. Question: If A Woman Was To Eat A Lot Of Chocolate, Would Her Breast Milk Taste Like Chocolate Milk?

Smartass Answer: Chocolate breast milk comes from black women.

This was also the best answer chosen by the asker. His comment?

wow never realised this b4, ty

6. Question: How Turn Computer Monitor Into Mirror?

Smartass Answer: Get a can of mirror spray paint, point, and spray.

7. Question: How To Get YouTube To Come Film You?

Smartass Answer: facepalm

This is actually a popular troll question, that has been posted several times on Yahoo! Answers. Meanwhile, the original question was deleted.

8. Question: Why Are Fossilized Clam Shells Found On Mt. Everest?

Smartass Answer: Obviously. Any other suggestion, such as geological uplift of the ancient seabed at points of tectonic plate subduction, would be mere hocus-pocus and superstition.

9. Question: What Is The Country Of Canada All About?

Smartass Answer: Wow, the American education system really is in crisis.

10. Question: Instead Of Simply Worshipping ‘God’, Why Not Worship Godzilla?

Smartass Answer: I choose to worship God because I prefer worshiping real things over movie characters anytime.

This question reminds of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. As founder Bobby Henderson says:

With millions, if not thousands, of devout worshippers, the Church of the FSM is widely considered a legitimate religion, even by its opponents—mostly fundamentalist Christians, who have accepted that our God has larger balls than theirs.

11. Question: How Do People Hide Large Amounts Of Food In Their Mouth?

Smartass Answer: It’s called Bulimia?

12. Question: Can I Fail A Drug Test By Having Sex The Night Before?

Smartass Answer: You will fail an IQ test.

13. Question: Why Doesn’t The Earth Fall Down?

Smartass Answer: Because it can fly.

Yes, that’s also the best answer selected by the Asker. She didn’t care much for gravity and the sun.

14. Question: Why Did Yahoo! Answers Delete My Question?

Subtitle: Would my cat like the heat from about 15 seconds in the microwave?

Smartass Answer: Try the dryer instead.

15. Question: VERY POPULAR Techno Song?? HELP!!! They Play It In Clubs!!?

Smartass Answer: Sandstorm by Darude.

I’m speechless. People actually knew the answer!

 

It Happens!!

.

.

.

I was in flight, was going to onsite once again. and as usual i was very happy… plane took me to the sky. i looked outside the window, nice evening scene, feels like heaven.

i just lost myself in that beauty.

 

Someone's voice disturbed me "excuse me sir, would you like to have something?"   i turned back, and was surprise to see my beautiful old schoolmate, Saakshi.

 

"Hey Saakshi, is that you, how come you... wow, you looks still the same, pretty.. in this Air-hostess suit"

"Saurabh, wo.....w, I cant believe this is you.. ohh sorry I am on my job, will talk to you later"

 

She left smile on my face.

 

I couldn't believe in my eyes, It reminded me my school days memories. How crazy i was about her, always followed her after the school, wrote love letters, but never dared to give one of them. Always looking at her in the class, from last bench. she was the queen of our class. I fought with 2-3 other guys for her, how stupid I was.   I couldn't stop myself, looking at her again, I was amazed to see that, she became more beautiful then she were at school. she too looked at me and smile, then she said something to her fellow air-hostess, then they both started smiling.

 

I was clueless that what happened. her colleague was also damn pretty. Oh my god, today you fulfil one of my dream. I thought of going there and having chat with her, but i knew that, its her job, so I stopped myself.

again started looking outside the window. we were above the clouds making an awesome scene outside, also inside, because of her smile.

 

I got some courage, and pretended that I am going towards toilet. I looked at her, she understood what I desired. she came toward me and said : "extremely sorry yaar, I couldn't talk to you much, so say how are you, where have you been these many years, and what's your success story? for what purpose you are going?"

 

"hmmm... i was always there, it was you who left everything after school, i searched you, so many places wherever i could, but no existence of you. then i completed my college, got a job in such a nice company, i didn't know, my company will give me this much, still i m going for an onsite job, don't know when will return back. you know, i got everything in my life except someone, with whom i can actually share my world, my success.

 

Someone..."

 

I looked straight into her eyes.. those blue eyes, i think she got the answer, who is that 'someone'

with some pain in her eyes, she said, "sorry got to go,will give you my number"

 

I again, sat back to my seat,very silent, looking outside, and hoping some answer.

it was dark outside by that time, some thunder in cloud, just like inside my heart. then suddenly, plane started getting hiccups.. everyone got scared.. i saw Saakshi running towards mic, she made an announcement, that don't be panic as they are facing a storm outside. but plane started shaking badly, everyone started feeling its the last moment of their lives...

 

I keep on watching Saakshi, and she to me...

 

Then something hit my back hard.. and there was a complete darkness in front of me..

deep silent, but i could still feel the shaking plane, and people's scream..

 

then someone shouted... 'Saaaauuuuraaabhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!'

  "Saurabh, wake up you are again sleeping in office, wake up, i need that report urgently"

Damn.. I looked here-there, same ODC, no Onsite, no plane.. no Saakshi..

 

I stared at my PM in anger.. Because of you only, that plane crashed!!

 

I STILL DONT KNOW, WHY IT HAPPENS DAILY BETWEEN 2PM TO 3PM!!!. 

 

 

Need time to relax?

Need time to yourself?

Want to go shopping?

Cognizant Method:
hire a lion... ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
give them same gobi 65 to eat
hire 200 more....... and more .......

TCS method:
hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
lion dies of hunger and frustration

 

Accenture Method:
Hire a lion....
Send him to chennai
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
Ask him to eat idli,Dosa and Vada
No hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL...
No good food, No water.
And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger".
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion......

IBM's metbod:
hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour ...
he dies of unemployment...
Syntel Method:-
Hire a Cat ...
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and
make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion....

MBT method:
hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 60% he will lose the job.
lion dies of the strain?

i-Flex method:
hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari
for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes
alive he will get band movement (promotion)
holy cow dies in fear of the real lion

COSL Method:
hire a lion .
tell him to merge with Goats (polaris) and reduce his allowance...
lion dies from fear that tommorrow he might become a goat....

Polaris Method :
hire ..sorry....purchase a lion(COSL) ..
change his timings...(instead of 9 AM ...change it to 8:30 AM )
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT.....

Capgemini method:
hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...
the lion dies before joining....

Wipro Method:
Hire a Lion,
give him a mail Id.
he will die recieving stupid mails all day........!!!!

HUAWEI Method:
Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion...
Give him work of 3 Lions
Tell him to work late and even on weekends...
No time for food and family, automatically die

 

PATNI Method:
After joining when the Lion comes to know the full form of PATNI as …
… Pathetic Appraisal Technique & No Increment
Tell him to work late and even on weekends...
He gets frustrated and dies slowly …

THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST

INFOSYS METHOD:

HIRE A LION.....
SEND HIM FOR TRAINING IN MYSORE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE
....................................................KING OF THE JUNGLE!
MAKE HIM TAKE GENERIC COMPREE EXAM
.............................................LION TURNS INTO CAT
MAKE HIM TAKE STREAM COMPREE EXAM
...................................................CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE
SEND HIM INTO PRODUCTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WID HE LEARNED IN TRNG
...........................................MOUSE RUNS HERE AND THERE FOR HELP!!!
SEND HIM MAILS TELLING ABOUT MANDATORY CERTIFICATIONS
.................................................MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE... :-) :-) :-)
 

This is how software engineers die in India.

 

Height of Frustration: 

He sent this mail to the Board of Directors of Infosys and cc to N.Murthy...   (And got fired..obviously)  It resembles the Infosys jobs ad in newspapers

 

 

 What Jain Says:

I couldn’t verify the information but there is a wide spread rumor about a guy like this.. Any way, it spreads smile!!!

Doctor to patient: You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
Patient: Yes. A good doctor.
 
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking...
 
Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
 

  Sardar built 2 Swimming Pools. And he left one of them unfilled y?
When asked him, he said,
"Oye, that’s for those who don’t know Swimming.
 
A sardarji Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse.He writes a love letter to the Nurse :- I Love U sister....
 
Ek sardar Indian Flag lene shop mein gaya tha. Shopwale ne usse flag diya. Sardar bola: Isme aur colour dikhao!!!
 
Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
 
Sardar: Miss, Did u call me on my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- “1 Miss Call".
 
Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?
 
Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.
 
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
 
Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"
 
Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:
"I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied:
"I Mr YOU" !!..
 
Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key
Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 Months Ago
Dr: Wat were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key
Dr: So why did you come today?
Sardar: We lost the duplicate key!!
 
Why Sardar opens his lunch box in the middle of the road???
Just 2 confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office....
 
Son: papa, 4+3 kithne hai?
Sardar: ullu ke patthe gadhe idiot naalaayak besharam tujhe kuch nahi aathaa? Jaa andhar se CALCULATOR le ke Aa..
 
After finishing MBBS Sardar started his practice.
He Checked 1st Patient's Eyes, Tongue & Ears with a Torch & Finally Said:
"Oye, Torch is okay"
 
 
Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!