Essay "Indian Cow"
You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this. This is a true essay written by a Bihari candidate (Mahesh Pandey) at the UPSC Examinations. The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:
INDIAN COW
HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal.
Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he
give milks, [ but will do so when he is got
child.] He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and
useful to man. But he has got four legs together.
Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole
body can be utilised for use. More so the milk.
Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [
horses dont have any such attachment]
What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd,
why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he
is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind
generally. His motion is slow only because he is
of lazy species, Also his other motion.. gober] is
much useful to trees, plants as well as for making
flat cakes[like Pizza] , in hand and drying in the
sun.
Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding
after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his
teeth whom are situated in the inside of the
mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the
grass. His only attacking and defending organ is
the horns, specially so when he is got child. This
is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the
weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the
earth and instantly proceed with great velocity
forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the
backyard, but not like similar animals. It has
hairs on the other end of the other side. This is
done to frighten away the flies which alight on
his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.
The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So
the grasses head is not crushed. At night time
have poses by looking down on the ground and he
shouts . His eyes and nose are like his other
relatives. This is the cow.......
This is a real incident and the “fortunately” the guy had passed the exam (only god knows how!!)
